Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Biddy Urges Less Winnowing

UW-Madison Chancellor Urges Dane County Board Not to Sift or Winnow

Madison, Wisc.... In a ballsy move that has shocked and surprised many UW-Madison alumni, Chancellor Biddy Martin has taken spray paint to the beloved plaque at Bascom Hall.

Asked why she did it, the Chancellor answered, “It’s time to modernize this institution. Sure, once, long ago, fearless sifting and winnowing made sense, but we’re over that now. There’s just too much money at stake to risk a fair critical analysis of our policies.”

Campus maintenance crews have been asked to evaluate the possibility of grinding the offending words off the plaque.

“Fearless sifting and winnowing was a quaint idea, even in its time” opined Martin, “but its really scary in this day and age when so much money rides on our uncritical embrace of each experiment on a monkey.”

Chancellor Martin followed up on her spray painting party by dashing off a letter to the Dane County Board of Supervisors. The Chancellor argued that enough argument about the use of monkeys has already taken place and that the County should leave well enough alone.

The Chancellor had to limit her remarks to this reporter saying that she had to get back to work on a public statement about the hundreds of recent animal welfare, biosafety, and state anticruelty violations at the university that she is still trying to explain away.


Unknown said...

To whom did Chancellor Martin make these statements to? Have they been published so they might be directly quoted?

Rick said...

Don't confuse the satire of the post with her actual words in her letter to the Board of Supervisors.